So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
