he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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