my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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