My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
