I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
