Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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