erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
