Whod you bang
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
