Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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