To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
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I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
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I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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