i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
