my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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