I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
