I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
