i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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