I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
