so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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