man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I could fuck to npr.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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