Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
