Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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