Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
