i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
