It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
