Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
