She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
