I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
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Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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