She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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