just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
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