What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
