Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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