You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
