I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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