i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
