is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
