Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
operation harelip BJ is a go
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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