after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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