I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
