I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
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Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
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How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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