What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
