tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
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im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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