Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
