Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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