she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
