It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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