I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
