either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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