70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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