good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
