She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
