Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
