I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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