Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
