i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
