she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
