also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
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keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
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I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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