My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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