Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
