Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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