Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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