1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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