What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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