Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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