I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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