I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
