I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
