I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
