I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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