I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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