I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
