in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Randomize
