are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
