Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
