just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
