ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
