I puked a lego.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
