Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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