I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
