That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
