***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
