I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
