i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
