she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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