Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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