then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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